I fucking hate myself. I am a fat useless mess. Everyone says I am skinny. But spare me your sugar coated comments... i dont like sugar anyways. I can see in a mirror. I am not blind. I look down and all I see is disgusting fat. Four slices of pizza. Just because I dont want his friends knowing I am a fucking weirdo who is too scared to eat because I might gain a few pounds. I cannot go back above 100. I would cry for days. God damn it when did I lose control? I feeel like throwing up everything I have ever eaten in my entire life. I never want to know the taste of cheese. Or real butter. I dont want to taste pasta. I dont want to eat. At ALL. I fucking hate that it is a needed thing for survival. I want to take a pill that makes the hunger stop. Makes the noises of a grumbling stomach quiet. I dont want food. I enjoy cooking but not for myself. I am a fat nasty mess. I cannot have anorexia because I do eat food. I cannot have bulimia because I dont purge. I cant have EDNOS becasue I dont believe in new medicine. Fuck my motherfucking pathetic fucking excuse for a fucking life. FUCK. I hate myself. I hate what I do. I hate my friends, if I can call them that. I drink tea all day long and nothing happens. I end up smoking weed way to much then munching on shit that I dont like. I mean i do smoke weed to help my supposed ED but fat asses like myself do not have fucking eating disorders. I am fucking disgusting. Moooooooooooo, you fucking cow. Now dont eat for the next five fucking days.
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